haste makes waste

"Calm. Haste makes waste. Life is not an emergency. Life is brief and it is fleeting, but it is not an emergency." ~Ann Voskamp

how many times did i hear my mom tell me "haste makes waste". it took me years and years to understand this...granted she probably started telling me the day i learned to walk. once i got it it really stuck with me...when i can manage to remember it. ha! yes, remembering, one of the hardest things for me. i have struggled everyday since i've started this journey of gratitude to remember that i'm on it. taking photos helps, it slows me, forces me to see the little things that would normally blur by and make no impression on me. concrete reminders of life are good...they help me stay alert to God's gifts.

why do we move so fast. where are we really rushing to. how can we forget that slow feels so good. Ann Voskamp said "Emergencies are sudden, unexpected events -- but is anything under the sun unexpected to God?...Stay calm, enter the moment, give thanks."

-look up! 
-full compost container...gives future life
-seedlings reaching for the sun
-tiny flowers peeking out from under the fence...so easy to miss

hammer. hammer. hammer. practice. practice. practice.

seeing God in the mess

"You have to want to see the well before you can drink from it. You have to want to see joy, God in the moment" ~Ann Voskamp

(reference Genesis 21:15-19)

seeing God in the mess...it's hard...looking for "ugly-grace" and "all-is-well grace" 

i'm so tired, all i want to do is put her down and sleep/cry...getting to comfort and rock my sweet girl.

...

parts of life just feel like they are falling apart and it's out of my control...God is refining me.

...

dirty sandals on a white chair...t thinks he did a good job by "putting them away"

...

i have had 2 miscarriages...my lost babies are in heaven with their Godly Father.

...

boogers, poopy diapers, poop on my hands...etc...i have 2 healthy children

...

t's a-tonal "yell/screaming"...he's singing songs of joy

...

toys everywhere...t's imagination at work
...
literal mess after mess...we are living and learning to do life together

it is possible to find beauty in the seemingly ugly...it's about our perspective and desire to see God's grace in all things. i fail to see the good in the mess hourly...i need to want to see the joy in order to see the joy.

practice. practice. practice. hammer. hammer. hammer.

rise up

rise up 

    and choose

        a different journey

rise up 
    and be
        grateful for what has been given 

rise up
    and see
        gift in what appears ugly

rise up

    and move

        to a place of healing

rise up 
    and learn
        how to move forward

rise up 
    and acknowledge 
        the One who won't betray

rise up 
    and know 
        you are cared for

rise up 
    and rest
        for you are not alone

rise up
    and live
        a whole life anew

slow down

"Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry.

But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing...Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. Turns out I was throwing it away." ~ Mark Buchanan

16. sound of rain

17. rolling thunder

18. laying in bed with my kids

...

71. sharing experiences

...

89. looking out the window with t

...

106. time to read

...

116. shoes lined up big and tiny

...

118. husband doing dishes

119. t's tinker toy creations

practice. practice. practice. hammer. hammer. hammer.

slow. slow. slow.

one thousand gifts

"drive out the nails of habitual grumbling with the nails of habitual gratitude" ~ Ann Voskamp

1. peaceful morning
...
8. silence in the house
9. sun streaming long onto the floor
...
33. little toes
34. little smiles
...
47. lungs that let my sweet girl cry
48. words that sweet boy speaks
49. refining
...
101. chalky grips
102. feel of the high bar
103. swinging
104. full turns
...

practice practice practice...hammer hammer hammer

nature, nurture
breaking this earth
breaks my heart

turning, churning
duck in the shade
giving it over

gently, lovingly
lay seeds
pat the soil

pausing, experiencing
this is all i can do

raw tears into the ground

grieve, heal
next year
yes, next year will be easier

when i am full
       i fear the impending suffering, the empty

sabotage is the name of my game
       
       no more

rest in His faithfulness, the fullness He gives
       and suffering will not be
                                              empty

there will be purpose

a purpose i may never understand
       but it is not 
                         empty
                                   and never will be