nature, nurture
breaking this earth
breaks my heart

turning, churning
duck in the shade
giving it over

gently, lovingly
lay seeds
pat the soil

pausing, experiencing
this is all i can do

raw tears into the ground

grieve, heal
next year
yes, next year will be easier

when i am full
       i fear the impending suffering, the empty

sabotage is the name of my game
       
       no more

rest in His faithfulness, the fullness He gives
       and suffering will not be
                                              empty

there will be purpose

a purpose i may never understand
       but it is not 
                         empty
                                   and never will be